Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Martha makes me laugh

Since I'm home a lot more nowadays I take full advantage of our dvr. One of my favorite shows growing up was the Martha Stewart Show...where she always had her "good thing" tips and she'd constantly talk about her herb garden (normal people pronounce it an "erb" garden. Not Martha, no no, she has HURB gardens. Yeah, pay attention next time you watch her, HURB...)

Anyway, one day I caught her new show and realized just how self-absorbed this woman was. Yes, she's a money mogul. Yes, she's the ceo of a huge corporation and yes, she has achieved more in her lifetime than most families combined (over several generations!) achieve...but what struck me as rather odd was just how snooty she was.

She was interviewing Julie Andrews (who, if you don't know who that is, you OBVIOUSLY live under a rock). Julie said something like, "my children and me..." Martha quickly corrected her, "you mean, 'my children and I". HELLO? MARTHA? That's Julie Andrews, you do NOT correct Mary Poppins! (She's practically perfect in everyway!)

Next time I caught the show she had on Kenan Thompson (hilarious guy from SNL) and while doing the beginning introductions, she pointed out that Kenan was "overweight" and could "learn a lot from our nutritionist today". SAY WHA?! This woman is straight up CRAZY! She just insulted him. TO HIS FACE!

I immediately grabbed the remote and selected "record series". I needed to watch this train wreck daily!

And Martha has lived up to my high standards I've set for her.

Yesterday I watched her "tall show" and, as the name says, the show was related to all things tall. The tallest cake ever made, everyone in her audience was over 6' and she herself was wearing the "tallest shoes I could find".

This might have been my favorite Martha moment to date. Midway through the show, she brought up five of the tallest audience members, handed them FEATHER DUSTERS and said, "my staff always misses tall places on the set to dust, so I thought you could easily reach for me! Get to work!"

The audience at first was like, "whaaa?" You could hear a pin drop. It was awesome. They didn't know if she was serious or not (which also made for great tv) and when she confirmed that, in fact, they were to start dusting, the looks on the feather-duster-holders faces was PRICELESS!

She encouraged them to "get the top of the moldings!" and then pimped out her home keeping handbook saying that everyone needed to have one of these...yaddy yaddy, always dust from the top down because "it will always fall"...Are you going to tell us next that you invented gravity too Martha? That would just be incredible...like Al Gore invented the internet. Really?

After they cleaned her set (which only lasted about 45 seconds) she gathered the maids up and bestowed upon them some new Martha Stewart Cleaning products.

It still boggles my mind that with such a warm, sensitive soul like hers she didn't receive a get of jail free card...

Yeah, Martha makes me laugh.